Relationships
There are many relationships, theoretically as many as the possible combinations between everybody in the world. That's a very large number. But we can group, classify and try to put some order in that number so it can become a workable matter. I have been very concerned about the way people interact and relate to each other because of professional reasons. Then i just took those things i learned into my personal experience.
I love to work on projects. You give me a problem i will give you a solution and i even implement the solution for you. I am very good at it. If i can get enough resources and freedom to use them almost every time will deliver.
One of they key factors are teams. I used to work alone, but it just not practical many times, and in the end i must hand over the work done, so i need to prepare teams. One of the accepted truths about teams is that the best people in a given field putted together are not necessarily the best team possible. This is very clear, if two of them just don't get along it will destroy the team, even if both are genius in the work they do. Another problem is that people that go along perfectly many be unable to work together, they might just be too distracted with each other personal problems that they just don't focus in the tasks to be done.
What i have found out is that persons are social animals. If we get two of them together they change behaviour. One influencing the other. The key for a successful team is to manage those interactions. To get the team's society to work for you goal. That way people will be working naturally as you want with the best possible results.
Translating this into dating and marriage, we get a very simple team of two people (just need to get rid of love and all those annoyances in this very theoretical proposition). For many years those teams used to be functional teams. Father worked, mother took care of the house. They just didn't got involved with the other functions. And if you managed to do your part good enough for the other, it will be a team that could last forever. My fathers are just like that and perfectly happy with it.
But modern world just don't allow this anymore. Today is the time of sharing and democracy. It's also the time in which both parents must work and take care of the house and kids. The functional team is no longer an option. We need another type of team.
One interesting aspects of teams is that they develop feedback reactions. They can be positive, one's reaction to something can increase the original action, or negative, one's reaction can decrease the original action. This is one of the most important aspects in a relation today. If you forget about feelings, you will notice that in the functional relation, the main factors are your skills as mother and a father. How good can you take care of the house and kids and how good can you provide for your family. Today that's not the issue. Today we must work with the feedback concepts.
One of the things i learned by looking at me and my friends under this perspective is that the fate and status of their relation is based on the way the influence each other. That sound common, and is easy as that, we just tend to forget about it. Many times we see one just exacerbating the other's faults and reducing the other good points. That relation is going to be a disaster. A good relation today is one that, besides feelings, make out the best on the other (positive feedback on positive points) and reduces the other not so good personal characteristics (negative feedback).
This kind of relation is more demanding, is more difficult to find, but it's much better. At the end you will be better that when you started, not just a better father or mother, but a better person. It might be an harder road to find someone like that. Maybe it will even lead to some errors on the way, but it's better in the end.
I love to work on projects. You give me a problem i will give you a solution and i even implement the solution for you. I am very good at it. If i can get enough resources and freedom to use them almost every time will deliver.
One of they key factors are teams. I used to work alone, but it just not practical many times, and in the end i must hand over the work done, so i need to prepare teams. One of the accepted truths about teams is that the best people in a given field putted together are not necessarily the best team possible. This is very clear, if two of them just don't get along it will destroy the team, even if both are genius in the work they do. Another problem is that people that go along perfectly many be unable to work together, they might just be too distracted with each other personal problems that they just don't focus in the tasks to be done.
What i have found out is that persons are social animals. If we get two of them together they change behaviour. One influencing the other. The key for a successful team is to manage those interactions. To get the team's society to work for you goal. That way people will be working naturally as you want with the best possible results.
Translating this into dating and marriage, we get a very simple team of two people (just need to get rid of love and all those annoyances in this very theoretical proposition). For many years those teams used to be functional teams. Father worked, mother took care of the house. They just didn't got involved with the other functions. And if you managed to do your part good enough for the other, it will be a team that could last forever. My fathers are just like that and perfectly happy with it.
But modern world just don't allow this anymore. Today is the time of sharing and democracy. It's also the time in which both parents must work and take care of the house and kids. The functional team is no longer an option. We need another type of team.
One interesting aspects of teams is that they develop feedback reactions. They can be positive, one's reaction to something can increase the original action, or negative, one's reaction can decrease the original action. This is one of the most important aspects in a relation today. If you forget about feelings, you will notice that in the functional relation, the main factors are your skills as mother and a father. How good can you take care of the house and kids and how good can you provide for your family. Today that's not the issue. Today we must work with the feedback concepts.
One of the things i learned by looking at me and my friends under this perspective is that the fate and status of their relation is based on the way the influence each other. That sound common, and is easy as that, we just tend to forget about it. Many times we see one just exacerbating the other's faults and reducing the other good points. That relation is going to be a disaster. A good relation today is one that, besides feelings, make out the best on the other (positive feedback on positive points) and reduces the other not so good personal characteristics (negative feedback).
This kind of relation is more demanding, is more difficult to find, but it's much better. At the end you will be better that when you started, not just a better father or mother, but a better person. It might be an harder road to find someone like that. Maybe it will even lead to some errors on the way, but it's better in the end.
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