Friday

Last friday i was coming home thinking that i learned something that day. I learned about ambition. One of the things that i get criticised a lot is my ambition, or better, my lack of it. I never felt that as being really fair. I always striven to be the best professional, to be the best person i could. It's true that i never cared much for money and power, but that shouldn't be the only defining factor for considering one person as an ambitious one.

It's not. But i really never was very ambitious. All i got, i got easily. I didn't needed much effort to get recognition in my line of work, and i have always been a nice person. I guess it's my nature to care for others.

I was driving and thinking about friday. During last months i have conditioned to hate fridays, specially the end of the afternoon. The problem is not friday, it's the weekend. I can't wait for monday and the week just flies by. Strangely i have more time for what i want during the week. An what i want is to have my computer running in front of me all the time. Of course, it's not about some hacker addition, it's about being connected, feeling someone closer.

My life as not being easy lately. I had made some decisions that will change the way i live and also they way many people think of me, including my daughter. Those decisions are under implementation. I want to get them all done until the end of the year, if possible before that.

The ambition i am talking about is not money or power. It's about one thing i thought impossible. It's about missing something you never had to miss. That's why i never had ambitions before. I always had what i wanted to achieve. Now i missed something i didn't had. How can that be possible? It intrigued me so much, and it was hurting.

I did what i had to do before coming home, basically, took some pictures of the sea and boats. I was driving, feeling bad, listening to Nina Simone's "Angel of the morning" in my car, when i saw the strangest rainbow i ever saw. It was just a piece of one, a very small part of a rainbow in a day without rain and almost no sun. I had my camera in the front passenger seat. Stopped and managed to take a picture of it. It's almost impossible to see it, but it's there. It gave me hope to fulfill my ambitions.

Now i am writing this and listening to a song i got in the mail. It's from George Strait, called "Cross my heart". It's in replay mode, i am listening to it continuously for more than 2 hours now. Thanks, i will make those words my ambitions.