Driving

One of the things that i noticed today was that i needed to remember myself of driving slower. I am driving like a lunatic, well i like to drive like a lunatic, specially when there is a nice weather, little traffic and a small road. But today i was just irresponsible several times. I even tried to overtake an ambulance in emergency service, and i was going to do it when i noticed the blinking blue lights.

When i was much younger i drove fast and sometimes furious. The results wheren't so good. I crashed several times. Other times people that where going in other cars crashed trying to keep up. I am not so proud of that, but i had fun, lots of fun.

There is a mountain in my town, not where i live, where i was born. In that mountain there are two roads to the top. I prefer one, from the west side. It's more tortuous. I used the therapy of driving like mad, mountain up. I know every turn and stretch. Many times i went there in the middle of the night, and the afternoon, and the morning, driving up. Since many years, from going uphill, i know one thing about me, i drive better, meaning faster, when i am relaxed. When i am stressed, or angry, or sad, i can't drive fast. I brake too much in entrance, take turns slower and loose a lot of time. It's like if my worries pass into the way i feel the car. I feel more and brake more and i'm more afraid of the turn. All is bigger and more difficult, the straits and the turns. I also sacrifice the gears and the motor, i will take turns slower, a gear down of that i would need if i was going faster.

I know this for a long time now, the opposite is also true. If i'm relaxed i will drive faster that usual, i will forget all except the pleasure of driving, and will take stupid chances because i will not think.

There is a turn i go trough everyday, several times a day. I use it as a measure of my mood. When i am stressed i will take that turn at 60-70 km/hour. The last years, my average has been around 80 km/hour when i am ok. I been doing that at 90 last weeks and today, well, over 100. I can't even make my mind if that is good or not.

Another thing i have been doing, is using hand break for parking and making head pins in turns. That i never done before. I made that before, but just for show. Once we, that is, me and friends from the university, where doing head pins in a dirt parking by the castle. At some point one of the cars had a flat tire and we had to stop. That was our luck, the priest that lived in front called the police. They arrived when we where stopped. We just sweet talked them. The other car had to go to a repair shop, i had to go to police station because of some paper related to the leasing or something. But there was a problem. We had classes starting soon, so i took one police officer in my car to the station and 6 friends went to class in the police car. When they entered the campus they even asked the police to turn on the sirens and lights. That was a day to remember.

The one with the flat tire was my wife. She was learning how to make head pins. Now she's not like that. Once, not so long ago, she told me that she was like Uncle Scrooge. Now she finishes all fights talking about money, even if she starts complaining about me. If she kept on the complaint part i, maybe, could forgive, and try to understand, and try to make myself more as she would like me to be. But i can't be less important than money.

I must be true to myself, many times before i wondered, and even told her, that she didn't cared for me as i did for her. I made that road uphill many times on that account. Big mistake. People change, but not the way we want. They change the way they want. And if they do what you want to please you, without being true to themselves, it's even worst. I believe two people should walk together, feel together, become one. Otherwise it wont ever work. The problem is that there must be two. If just one goes with the other, it will never be good. There will be a day in which one will find himself somewhere he can't be, and will have to leave.

For men, women are strange creatures, we never know what to expect and what to do. I used to like that. The challenge of making the other happy was amusing, even if not always successful. I liked to lose time with that, finding the answer. That stopped when i just noticed all the things i thought so carefully where not appreciated, not even received with a yellow fake smile. Some where even returned directly to my head. I started not to worry about that, i just gave her watches. She likes them, i don't use them.

Those last days i also made a promise to myself, i wont ever hesitate, i will never regret for not doing something. I will be open to all, embrace what i find in life. I would rather make a mistake that living regretting not having done something, not saying what i feel, how much stupid and foolish it might be.

Maybe that's why i am doing that turn at 100 km/hour.